Paperweight 

SCENE 1. INT. DEPARTMENT OF FINANCE

‘Can I help you?’

‘Hi, yes… err, I need to make a purchase and I have been told to come here.’

‘OK and have you already filled out the paperwork?’

‘Yes. Here is a list of the things I need to buy.’

‘No – I mean the paperwork that confirms you can proceed with the purchase of the goods on that list you have.’

‘Um… No. I mean I have a budget, and that budget has been signed off. The goods are coming out of that budget.’

‘Ah yes! That is no good, you see. You will need to go down the corridor to the next department called procurement. They can help you there.’

‘OK. Thanks, I will go and talk to them.’

SCENE 2. INT DEPARTMENT OF PROCUREMENT

‘Hi, I was sent here from the Department of Finance. I need to make a purchase of some goods and I was told to come here.’

‘Yes. Have you filled out a procurement form?’

‘Err, no.’

‘Right, here you go. [Hands over a form] You will need to fill that out and then take it to Finance.’

‘But I just came from there.’

‘Did you give them the form?’

‘No.’

‘They need the form.’

‘No problems. And then I can buy the goods?’

‘No. Then you need to bring the form that Finance have stamped back here and we will issue you with the covering memo template.’

‘What is the template for?’

‘It is to explain what the form covers.’

‘But I have the form.’

‘Yes, but the memo explains what the form is for.’

‘Right, so I fill out the memo once I have the signed form and then where do I go.’

‘You will need to submit both forms to the review committee, who will assess your purchase against your budget.’

‘The budget that I have already told you I have?’

‘Yes’

‘The budget that I had to submit a proposal for at the beginning of the year, with an outline of expenditure?’

‘Yes’

‘To the review committee? Who approved it.’

‘Correct.’

SCENE 3. INT. DEPARTMENT OF PROCUREMENT. ONE WEEK LATER.

‘Hi, I left some forms here for review about a week ago? I was told they were ready to pick up.’

‘Yes here they are. All approved.’

‘Lovely, so I can go ahead with the purchase now?’

‘No, these need to be submitted first down the hall.’

‘Where?’

‘Just take them down the hall, last door on the right.’

‘OK’

SCENE 4. INT HALL. A DOOR. DEPARTMENT OF EFFICIENCY.

THERE IS A SIGN ON THE DOOR. HANDWRITTEN.

Back in five minutes

BLACKOUT

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