First World Problems 

It has been a day of frustrations – but nothing really to complain about in the grand scheme of things. We were woken early by the dogs and so after their walk, I decided to get in a swim as I had missed out during the week.

Now I am no fashion icon, but I do have a hard rule that unless I am going to the beach, I never wear my crocs outside the house. If there is anyone left in the world who does not know what a croc is, it is a kind of sex toy for tortoises and quite the ugliest thing you can put on your foot. A croc though, is very comfortable and also practical around water, so I bend the rule to include rivers and  swimming pools.

My first problem was that I could not find my crocs. I spent around half an hour looking for the pair that I take to the pool, as opposed to the well worn pair I wear around the house as slippers. These  croc slippers allow me to go outside and up the gravel strip next to the house when I am yelling at the dogs for defending the fence line. (Idea: hire out dogs to Donald Trump?). Eventually I gave up, put on my slipper ones and headed out.

I recognized a few people there for a couple of weeks ago. One of them, a friendly Australian had approached me last week as I got in asking if I wanted the fast lane, as she had just picked it as the nearest empty one and would move if I wanted. I told her that I did not plan to be to fast myself so not to worry. The other, a man in his late fifties was thrashing up and down wearing a swimming mask and googles, like a ten year old.

And here they were again today, the forthright Australian and Mr Goggles swimming up and down, plus an older lady walking in the rehab lane, who I christened the limping grandmother.

The swimming felt good and I emerged 45 minutes later with my knee pain free. I had a bit of shopping to do but after that my queue of rented movies was waiting.

While out shopping, I bought another pair of crocs – they were on special so I figured that it was probably the cheapest way to ensure I found the ones I had misplaced. I then settled in to watch Love and Mercy, which was due to expire the next day.

Something went wrong. Apple TV was telling me that it was going to take 29 hours to download it. My internet is not fast, but even on its worse day it is not that bad. I restarted Apple TV and when that didn’t work, restarted the modem. While this was going on my mother started texting me to find out what my brother was doing – their iPad is in for repair – and so I was messaging him to give her the answers.

The modem restarted but something was wrong. The VOIP phone was disconnected and the home network name was wrong. After several restarts, it dawned on me that it had factory reset itself and lost its name and passwords. I have had to do this so many times with my ISP I should know how to fill in the information it needed, but it is a little like being a passenger in a car and you don’t concentrate as well. After a couple of abortive attempts, I rang the ISP on my mobile. There was over an hour wait to get through. Usually they offer a call back, but they have either cancelled this service or it was down today.

Meanwhile, my husband was texting me to sort out dinner. I could not pick up the text because my phone was on hold to the ISP, plus it is an old one and it was full of messages from my mum so there was no room for new ones. I managed to get around this by using the 4G connection on my iPad to message him so I did not lose my place in the queue to the ISP. Then the phone went dark. BATTERY DEAD, it said.

If someone had handed me a bottle of wine at that point, I would have drunk it straight down. I tried to be sensible and because I could not drink until the dogs were walked and the take away picked up, promised myself a drink later if I could just refrain from throwing the modem out of the window.

I plugged my phone in to recharge, walked the dogs and then sat down again at the PC and logged into my modem. This time, instead of swearing at it, I looked at it calmly, trying to remember my breathing, and gradually worked out what needed to go where. The last thing I did was to create a file, called F@*K_YOU_ISP with notes on how to reset all the information if it ever happens again.

It may happen again. A huge storm has broken. Rain is thundering down outside the window, Archie is sitting at my feet because thunder scares him, and as welcome as the rain is, I just hope the last of today’s first world problems is not a power cut caused by the storm.

I didn’t drink any wine in the end, but I did go to put a bottle in the fridge from a box I have in the garage just in case. Guess what I found on the box? Yup, the missing crocs.

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