Burnt to a crisp 

Somone who shall remain nameless at a worksite that will remain unidentified caused a full scale evacuation this afternoon.

It was lunchtime so perhaps his blood sugar  was a bit low. I first heard about it when a colleague gave a sharp intake a breath and muttered, ‘urmigud’ as she stared at her computer.

‘What’s that?’ I asked, keen to be distracted, having used my super deductive powers to realise that ‘urmigud’ is what ‘Oh my God’ sounds like when muttered while inhaling in shock.

‘The entire building at [REDACTED] has just undergone a full scale evacuation,’ she explained in horror, and it was [NAME REDACTED]’s fault!

‘Urmigud,’ I said. ‘What happened?’ I asked.

‘Well apparently [NAME REDACTED]’s colleague was heating up a pie in the microwave, in the time-honoured Australian way, ie by keeping it in its wrapper. [NAME REDACTED] thought it would be hilarious to remove the pie and leave the wrapper in the oven, so that when he came back to get his lunch, the pie would be gone.’

‘But instead, the wrapper burst into flames and made a whole load of smoke. The smoke set off the smoke alarm and that triggered the emergency services. Apparently they were all evacuated to the car park and then a fire engine full of firemen turned up.’

‘I wish I worked at [NAME REDACTED]’s place,’ I thought, ‘It has been a while since I saw Backdraft.’

‘That seems an odd sort of thing to do,’ I said. ‘Are you sure he was not just trying to make a badge, like a Twisties badge?’

‘What are you talking about?’ She asked.

I was not making it up. In Australia there is a crisp-type snack called Twisties, except they are nothing like crisps. They are like little fat, bright orange worms and are bobbly and taste of artificialness. They have distinctive packaging – bright yellow with the Twisties logo in green or orange in the centre to signify which flavour or artificial they taste of. They are unique, as far as I know to Australia.

One thing we used to do at school though was to make badges out of the packets they came in. This was before the days of foil bags so they were totally plastic. The miracle of whatever they used for the bags was that when a clean, empty bag was placed in a hot oven for a few minutes, it would not burst into flames and produce black smoke, it would shrink and thicken and buckle slightly, but basically produce a perfect small size replica of itself.

I am not sure why we thought it was supercool to have a crisp package as a bag, but then I am not sure why [NAME REDACTED] thought it would be hilarious to hide a colleague’s pie.

But I am a busy woman these days, and have better things to do with my time than cook plastic packets in the oven. Now, where did I put that copy of Backdraft I have  on DVD?

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