Couch Potato

I was in the park about an hour ago – around half past six in the evening just before it got pitch black. I had my Wellington boots on and was holding an umbrella as I whisked the dogs around the perimeter. Another dog walked approached. She too was wearing wellingtons and carrying an umbrella, but it was not that I noticed.

‘Hi’ she said.

‘Hi,’ I replied. ‘Are you wearing pajamas?’

‘Yes,’ she admitted, ‘I was lying in bed and I was trying to stay home but then she (at this point she nodded towards her dog) kept staring at me.’

‘I don’t blame you for being in bed,’ I said. ‘That is where my husband is too, with the electric blanket on.’

After looking like it may have turned a corner this week, the winter weather abruptly changed its mind and hurtled back to settle in again. Actually it pretty much feels like it has settled over my house. It is currently raining hard and I am sitting on my sofa with one dog, while the other has elected to go with the electric blanket and my husband in the bedroom.

We bought our sofas a few years ago now and broke every rule in the interior design book by buying quite expensive leather ones in bright pillar box red. It was a bold move, a brave move – a stupid move. The couches looked quite striking but I have a small couch-dwelling dog that sheds white fur like crazy and as a result the bigger of the two couches, the one I am currently sitting on as I type, is draped with a couple of cheap synthetic off-white throws that I bought from the supermarket.

Avoid buying longer term furniture items in bright colours (says the book that I have not read) . Instead, choose neutral colours and dress up with bright fabrics, which can be changed to suit your mood or the season.

It is right, of course. I have ended up sitting on a beige blanket with hints of a bold couch beneath. The throws are also beginning to annoy me. They do take the cold edge off the leather in winter but they are too small so I end up tucking corners between couch cushion and frame to try and pin them on – the leather is so soft they would simply glide to the floor otherwise. They need constant re arranging and when the other small furry creature decides to twist himself around into an impossible dog yoga pose, the better to chew his furry bits and pieces noisily, the fabric gets all crumpled and I end up having to re arrange it all the time.

I could take the throws off, I suppose but even with them on, there is white fur everywhere from the shedder. When I had to check under the cushions recently for a lost ring, I was dismayed to see that despite my best efforts, a thick layer of white discarded fur had built up in the wide Velcro strips that keep the cushions on the couch. It lay there like a fungus, trapped in the tiny hooks and claws. 

I keep the throws on even in the summer when it is warm, because even though the couch is not warm, it looks warm and my hot little legs get sweaty and slide on the surface.

Bloody couches.

I might just get out of these jeans and into my PJs. 

Come to think of it, I may just slide into bed.


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